Miscellaneous Heathen

Blockbuster CEO Jim Keyes: "I've been frankly confused by this fascination that everybody has with Netflix."

Even better is Keyes on library size: "I don't care how many movies are available to me. As my personal taste as a customer, I want to watch the new stuff so whether we have 10,000 movies or 200 movies doesn't matter if I don't want to see any of the movies that we have . . . our assortment is heavily weighted toward newer releases and mainstream staple titles."

Somewhere, I have a no-doubt-decaying VHS tape of one of Dana Gould's early standup specials; it's some incredibly funny stuff, but I worry it's become unwatchable. Fortunately, a signficant subset of it is available in his MySpace channel. Check it out, especially if you're Frank and remember the tape. (No, the commercial bit isn't included.)

The film is Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead, about a production of Hamlet infested with vampires and the quest to cure them, stars Jake Hoffman and Devon Aoki, and includes Jeremy Sisto and Ralph Macchio. No, I'm not kidding. Watch the trailers.

Via MeFi.

As it turns out, the old Dana Carvey Show had some pretty fantastic moments. Do NOT miss "Germans Who Say Nice Things" or "Skinheads from Maine" or, especially, "'First Ladies as Dogs."

For some reason, Metafilter didn't call out Mrs H's favorite terrible Lifetime movie in their pointer to Lifetime Wow!?

(Well, we looked it up: apparently, BM:SoF was for USA, not Lifetime, so there you have it. Still, you have wonders like "Love Sick: Secrets of a Sex Addict" to keep you happy.)

Mrs Heathen tells us that Ze Frank has a movie deal.

You all completely and totally suck. You just had one final chance to reward the best show to ever be on television with proper recognition, and you blew it. Instead:

“The Wire,” the just-ended, critically acclaimed HBO drama about police and drug dealers in Baltimore, lost its last shot at a best-drama nod after years of Emmy snubs. It received one nomination Thursday, for writing.

What got best drama nods? Lost, Mad Men, Damages, Boston fucking Legal, Dexter, and House. The Wire makes all those look like high-school plays. Seriously.

There's a Watchmen trailer online.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: The Abridged Script is friggin' hilarious. Enjoy.

So, it's for a David Byrne song, right? And it's comprised entirely, at the first level of analysis anyway, with naked dancers. However, the real meat of the video is what they do with the black bars covering the dancers' naughty bits. Just watch. Really.

UPDATE: Well, shit, the video's gone. I'll see if I can find another copy.

Bowdlerization as provocation. (YouTube; SFW, mostly.)

And, unsurprisingly, also a Clayton Cubitt find. Check out Death to the Tin Man, a 12-minute undergraduate film by a 24-year-old director. Really. Close your office door and watch this thing.

Harrison Ford, in answer to the unasked "now that you've shat all over Indy, will you do the same to Han?" question, says no more Star Wars.

Mohney provides three three-word reviews of "Crystal Skull:"

• "Big dumb puppy"
• "Jar Jar Lebeouf"
• "I miss Nazis"

All spot on.

Sydney Pollack is dead at 73.

Spielberg, apparently jealous of the way in which his buddy Lucas was able to completely destroy a film legacy with three new films, does his level best to shit all over Indy in a single, derivative, bloating, and limping sequel comprised largely of elements stolen from the X-Files, the 2nd Mummy film, and misplaced fifties nostalgia. For the most part, he succeeds.

Stay away.

Pajiba:

And as it all that weren’t enough, news also came down this week that Nicolas Cage will star in a remake of Bad Lieutenant (holy shit) directed by Werner Herzog (holy shit). Pressman Film Corp. will produce the updated edition of its original, which was directed by Abel Ferrara and starred Harvey Keitel as the titular bad lieutenant. Who knows what direction Herzog will take the picture; maybe he’ll have Cage ride around L.A. on a grizzly bear.

Tricia "6" Helfer is starring opposite Leelee Sobieski in a new comedy/thriller called Walk All Over Me. In it, Helfer plays a dominatrix.