Miscellaneous Heathen

Roll Tide. Saban went home to Baton Rouge and just barely escaped with the win in OT. Rivalry games can frequently get unpredictable, but the way the Tide played for much of the game was just embarrassing. Still, a W is a W, and the results solidify Alabama's number 1 BCS position. Other weekend events kicked PSU out of the elite club, leaving the top 5 40% SEC and 60% Big XII; an all-Southern championship game is now almost a given. Florida and Alabama will meet at the SEC title game in Atlanta, and the winner there will likely play the Big XII winner for all the marbles in Miami come January.

Received in email from the Jackson Office, from a friend of his, in re: the North Carolina results:

From: xxxxx Sent: Thursday, November 06, 2008 4:57 PM To: Jackson Heathen Subject: Love this Fark headline

Apparently worried about its "strength of schedule" the Obama Campaign is trying to improve its BCS ranking by running up the score, adding 15 more electoral votes today

Fulmer is resigning at Tennessee. Frankly, we'd have preferred he hung around a bit more; with him at the helm, UT could've stayed an impotent backwater indefinitely. Tennessee is 3-6, 1-5 in the SEC, and lost a blowout to South Carolina on Saturday.

More at ESPN.

1. Alabama 9-0
2. Texas Tech 9-0
3. Penn State 9-0
4. Texas 8-1
5. Florida 7-1

What's obvious, at least to me, is that Alabama, TT, Texas, and Florida would all absolutely demolish Penn State. They've got no business in this list.

While we await BCS, chew on this: AP has it Bama, Texas Tech, PSU, UF, Texas; USA Today sees it Bama, PSU, Texas Tech, Oklahoma, Florida, USC, Texas (WTF?); the fan poll is worthless.

(That same link will eventually show BCS, too.)

Texas didn't bother to show up on time today, and let Texas Tech play all by themselves for a half before waking up. Too little too late. Leonard's Loser: the Longhorns -- and the Heathen chances to attend the BCS game with the Attorney. Damn.

At least Alabama won (blanking homecoming creampuff Arkansas State by 5 touchdowns). And so did Florida in a decisive victory over preseason darling Georgia (49-10). Look for Tech in the top spot, followed by Alabama. Penn State is off this week, and the former #6 (Georgia) lost, so the new rankings COULD put Florida as high as #3, based on the quality and magnitude of their win. However, I see UT dropping not that far, either, so maybe TT, UA, UT, then drop in PSU, Oklahoma, and USC. It's all mumbling until the computers chatter late on Sunday.

Florida and Alabama will play in the SEC game, so one of them will drop at least one more game -- but a one-loss UF will have a good case for the BCS game if they win out. (Though obviously an undefeated Alabama would have a stronger case.)

Another weekend, another tight win for Texas, Alabama spanked Tennessee, and Penn State edged past Ohio State. No real movement on any rankings, and an increasingly likely shakeout for 2 of these 3 to play for the title in January. Alabama will have the toughest road, since they'll still have to play either Florida or Georgia for the SEC title in order to advance; neither other school has any real contenders left to play (unless Texas Tech turns out to be realer than anyone believes).

Some crystal balls suggests a Penn State - Texas championship game, which would be fun to watch only because the pansy-ass yankees would get destroyed by the Longhorns. For that to work, though, Alabama would have to lose the SEC title game, and the BCS would have to ignore PSU's puffball schedule. This kind of calculus reminds us all, yet again, that college football needs a fucking playoff like nobody's business -- it's the only major sport without one, and leads to absurd outcomes as often as not. Of course, it's also led to blowouts of Ohio State two years in a row, and there's pretty much nothing to dislike about that aspect. As noted below, PSU and JoePa have no place in title contention this year. Any one-loss SEC team would make a better opponent for the hypothetically lossless Longhorns come January.

Next up for Texas: Texas Tech, currently ranked #7, and famous for a highly productive offense. Look for a shootout. After that, they should be able to coast -- Baylor, Kansas, and A&M finish out their season, plus the Big XII championship game with (probably) Mizzou.

Next up for Alabama: Nonconference Arkansas State, followed by #19 LSU, Mississippi State, and Auburn. After that, the SEC championship game against either Florida or Georgia.

You're not fooling anybody: Penn is WAY overrated.

It's foolish to think a Big Ten team has any business on college football's biggest stage. [...]

{T]his team – and this conference – doesn't deserve another chance at college football's biggest prize. Besides, Paterno is used to fashioning an unbeaten team, then getting left out of the championship party. That has happened four times: 1968, 1969, 1973 and 1994.

So, please, don't give us Penn State on Jan. 8, 2009, in Dolphin Stadium. Give us life, give us liberty, give us hope for a good game. That means give us Texas, Florida, Alabama, Georgia or USC. Heck, we'll even take Texas Tech and its diabolical offense and kooky coach. They all have been more impressive than – and likely would beat – any Big Ten team.

Even a perfect Penn State.

We pray that America won't have to watch another Big Ten belly-flop in the BCS title game. The Buckeyes have perfected that dive the past two seasons.

Look at the hideous history. First, there was Florida 41, Ohio State 14. Next, there was LSU 38, Ohio State 24. There is no need for a trilogy. If you've seen one slasher flick, you've seen them all.

All our top three managed to dispatch their opponents with varying degrees of drama. Colt and the Longhorns put a Texas-sized hurt on critical darling Mizzou; Alabama faced down in-conference rival Ole Miss despite some sloppy second half play. And PSU won, not that anyone cares.

The real news of the weekend is the reaction to the rankings, especially now that BCS is out and in play. Texas' national credentials are worth questioning, given that the Big XII appears to have given up on the whole idea of defense (n.b. that they gave up 30+ in their win over Mizz). Frankly, despite the nostalgia factor, I hope UT hangs on so that, should Alabama win out, the big game is Tide vs. Longhorns instead of Tide vs. JoePa. Granted, I think we'd win either one...

Turns out, Alabama's pretty-good-but-terribly-fragile QB has gone on to be, well, a pretty good but terribly fragile NFL QB.

Clemson's fired Tommy Bowden, which is frankly unsurprising given his performance this year -- after dropping his opener to (now #2) Alabama. Early favorites to win the creampuff ACC, Clemson's now 3-3 after losses to Wake Forest and unranked Maryland. It appears his team supports the move.

...this weekend's results -- losses for LSU and Vandy -- make Alabama the last undefeated team in the SEC.

UT put an end to Oklahoma's unbeaten season yesterday in a hard-fought rivalry game I'm sorry I missed; the final score was 45 to 35, which kinda suggests something we've all been saying: the Big 12 is all offense. In any case, the win -- along with some other amusing events -- set up a rejiggering of the AP poll that puts Texas on top:

1. Texas
2. Alabama
3. Penn State
4. Oklahoma
5. Florida
6. USC
7. Texas Tech
8. Oklahoma State
9. BYU
10. Georgia

Mizzou falls to 11; LSU to 13. What stinks here is PSU in the #3 position. Penn State has played ONE ranked team all year, and it was #22 Illinois. Other than that? Nada. For this they're ranked 3rd? It's horseshit; they won't even play another serious team all year, so they could stay unbeaten unless Ohio State (currently 12) or Michigan State (20) can knock 'em off. (The rest of their year is Michigan, Iowa, and Indiana -- unranked squads to go with Coastal Carolina, Oregon State, Syracuse, Temple, Purdue and Wisconsin to fill out the rest of JoePa's creampuff season). Florida -- coming off its 51 to 21 domination of LSU -- is a much more reasonable pick for #3.

Of course, Texas hasn't exactly played titans, either, largely because the quality is on the back end of the Longhorns' schedule; they still play #11 Mizzou, #8 Oklahoma State, and #7 Texas Tech before a stop at Baylor on 11/15, and then close out with #16 Kansas and the A&M game. Nobody will complain about UT's rank if they keep winning, but the trick will be continuing to win.

Same goes for Alabama, though the Tide had more of a front-loaded schedule than UT. Still up for them: Ole Miss, Tennessee, and Arkansas State before the LSU game on 11/8. After that, MSU and Auburn. If the Tide that beat Georgia show up, they'll win out, too, and set up a fine SEC-Big12 matchup in the championship game.

Sadly, this week also marked the end of Vandy's win streak, as they were upset by Mississippi State. It sucks they lost here, but I've gotta say I love the idea that VANDY is the victim of an upset. You've gotta been seen as a strong favorite for a loss to be an upset, so in a way it's still a moral victory. N.B. that the 'Dores could still notch a bowl berth; they two more winnable games coming up (Wake and Duke).

The Texans gave up TWENTY ONE POINTS in the final four minutes today to lose to the Colts, 31 to 27. WTF? That's a downright Chicagoan collapse, I tell you. Houston drops to 0 and 4. Christ.

Vanderbilt, one of the most academically elite schools in the South if not the nation, is traditionally the whipping boy of the SEC come football season. Granted, their offensive line has 4-digit SAT scores, so it's almost not fair, but there you have it.

Except this year. Vandy started strong with a convincingly thorough whipping of Miami (OH) back in August, and really turned heads with its win over Spurrier's South Carolina Gamecocks, then ranked 24 (that's 2 in a row Steve's dropped to the Commodores; maybe that should have told us something). Then came Rice, a true peer -- they're also an elite academic school playing football with state squads -- but Vandy kept rolling. And the next week they beat Ole Miss, and all of a sudden Vandy was 4-0 with two SEC wins under its belt, and had a top twenty ranking (19).

Pretty much everyone thought that would be over once they met #13 Auburn today, though. Spurrier's not having much luck in South Carolina, and Ole Miss is nearly always helpless when someone not named Manning is calling the plays. "It's been fun, boys," said the sports press, "but enjoy it while it lasts." Indeed, that sounded reasonable: the last time Vandy beat Auburn was 1955, in the Gator Bowl.

A little while ago, though, it became clear it's going to last at least one more week, and probably two, as the Vanderbilt Commodores edged Tuberbille's troubled Tigers 14 to 13 in Nashville. Vanderbilt is 5-0 for the first time since 1943. Vandy's ongoing top-25 position is also pretty new -- its undergrads weren't born the last time that happened (1984) -- and they haven't finished with a winning record since '82. They still might not do that, but it's certainly possible: next up is Mississippi State (1-4, 0-2 SEC). A win there puts them at .500, with wins at Duke and/or Wake Forest certainly possible. Sadly, their schedule is back-end heavy; they've still got to play four more SEC teams (#11 Georgia, #12 Florida, Kentucky, and Tennessee), too, and can't realistically expect to bag more than one of those even if they're lucky.

All that's in the future, though. Today is still today, and as of this writing, they are in first place in the SEC East, and remain one of only three undefeated teams in the SEC (the other two, Alabama and LSU, are in SEC West).

Oh, yes, the Tide won, too, but frustratingly so, with needless errors and penalties in a game that was theirs to lose -- Kentucky hasn't ever beaten them in Tuscaloosa, and, like Vandy, is something of an SEC also-ran in football. The UK defense is real, though, and Saban will be justified in handing out some serious asskicking this week for gameplay that, against a more competitive team, would have cost them the game. Amusing stat, though: Tide RB Coffee had more yards on the ground than the whole Kentucky offense. At the end of the day, an ugly win is still a win, so Bama goes 6-0 with a bye next week, then Ole Miss, Tennessee, and Arkansas State cued up before the big show in Baton Rouge in November 8. (Thanks to Frank for the correction.)

What is there to say but Roll Tide?

Alabama is now ranked 2nd in the AP, behind only Oklahoma, who will doubtless fall to #5 Texas before too long. (USC, bless their overrated little hearts, is down at 9 -- still ahead of Georgia, though, which seems unfair; I'd swap 'em and put USC down at 11.) The top five is now: OU, UA, LSU, Mizz, Texas. LSU is also the only game Alabama can lose and not cause grumbling (i.e., based on the fact that Saban's only in year 2). If they take the Tigers, though, they could run the table IF Saban can keep their intensity up.

By the way, the AP poll features SIX SEC squads: Alabama, LSU, #11 Georgia, #12 Florida, #13 Auburn, and #19 Vandy (who are still undefeated after 4 games, including conference foes the Gamecocks and the same Ole Miss squad who beat Florida this week). That's half the conference (left out are the two usually-helpless Mississippi teams, Arkansas, Spurrier's Cocks, Kentucky, and Tennessee; of those, in any given year the Vols and the Razorbacks are typically rankable at some point).

Creampuff Watch: Who the hell really believes Penn State deserves to be #6? They've played 4 creampuffs and allowed 3 TDs and a field goal against Illinois. WTF?

The unranked Oregon Beavers popped the Trojans' bubble on Thursday night, 27 to 21. Oregon improves to 2-2; USC is sure to fall significantly on the loss.

Now please also shut up about the PAC-10, too. The real game is today, when we find out whether Saban's delivering ahead of schedule, or Georgia is as tough as Athens wants us to believe.

Over the weekend, the most interesting SEC contest had to be Auburn and Mississippi State. Despite 300+ yards vs. State's 116, the final score was a bizarre and nearly unprecedented 3 to 2, with Auburn on top thanks to a second quarter field goal.

The new polls are out, and (no surprise) have USC in the top spot again -- but Georgia has dropped to 3, behind Oklahoma, of all people. I find it impossible to even entertain the thought that OU could beat UG, but whatever; we'll see how it shakes out later in the season. USC, as we pointed out, made clear Ohio State remains a joke playing in a joke conference -- but the SEC has beaten the Buckeyes as soundly as USC just did in two championship games in a row. Further, USC is a game behind Georgia in play. If all three teams continue to win, and the powers that be put Okahoma into the title game, we'll be among those calling bullshit.

Actual rankings here; we are amused and pleased that fully half the AP top ten are SEC squads (#3 Georgia, #4 Florida, #6 LSU, #9 Alabama (!), #10 Auburn). No, I'm not entirely convinced Alabama should be that high, but it's nice people have confidence.

The Tide rolled Western Kentucky, 41 to 7. After an embarrassing game against Tulane last week, Saban's boys managed to remember how to play the game yesterday, even well enough to get some bench playing time. In fact, Saban's gripe about yesterday says volumes:

With a chance to get a look at young players and subs, Saban did find some fault in the offense's performance.

"I wish we wouldn't have kept the ball so long, because there were some defensive players we wanted to see a little more," he said. "But it didn't work out that way."

Oh, also, a tiny bit of vindication: the Tulane squad Saban had so much trouble with last week very nearly stole a game from East Carolina yesterday -- EC only pulled it out late in the 4th quarter. Maybe those smart fellers are actually playing football this year after all. They're still 0-2, but it's two very solid games they lost.

Can all you people shut the fuck up about Ohio State now?

Brady out for the season.

Jesus Fuck, Nicky, what the hell was that? You beat the everliving tar out of #9 Clemson, and then look like a goddamn AA squad against a non-conference private school like Tulane that's presumably hampered by actual admissions requirements? You go three entire quarters against their D without an offensive TD? Sure, the punt return team bagged two in the first half, but special teams points shouldn't be the backbone of your offense, dude. ESPN used words like "listless" to describe the Tide on Saturday, and that's being KIND. 172 total yards (to Tulane's 318), four allowed sacks, and two -- TWO! -- missed field goals will NOT make the faithful happy about your gold-plated contract, Nicky.

Good Christ. A win is a win, but the Alabama-Tulane game was a fucking embarrassment in every other way that mattered. I'm frankly shocked the Tide didn't drop in the rankings this week, instead of rising (2 spots, to 11 -- HA! -- in AP; only one notch in USAT, to 16). Good thing Saban's got another non-con next Saturday before the big Georgia game. Some folks need some ass whippin' at practice these two weeks.

Speaking of which: Georgia's still only number 2, behind perennially-fellated USC despite the fact that the Trojans were OFF this week while Georgia played. At least the pollsters are split; Georgia got 23 first place votes to USC's 33 in the AP poll. Ohio State drifts south this week on the "strength" of their weak win over Ohio, and in the final shakeup it turns out the AP and USAT agree on the top ten: USC, UGa, Oklahoma, UF, OSU, Missouri (ha!), LSU, Texas, Auburn, and Wisconsin.

Oh, and the fucking Irish won their opener. Ick.

Spurrier's Gamecocks dropped their second Vandy game in a row last night. Vanderbilt is now 2-0.

We reckon the pollsters are just tired of the ongoing SEC dominance, and as a consequence voted their wishes instead of their consciences this week: After a pair of blowout wins, somehow USC is magically ranked at 1, ahead of Georgia. In the preseason poll, the perennially-overrated Trojans were stuck at #3 (AP, behind Georgia and Ohio State, who also has no business that high) or #2 (ESPN, just behind UGa).

Actually, we're being a little sarcastic; both Georgia and Ohio State played creampuff non-BCS teams, while USC played a BCS creampuff (ACC's Virginia, who we suppose does have a football team -- but a 52-7 win, how "quality" can they be?). So we guess there's at least some logic. What DEFIES logic is that some of the pollsters are still voting for Ohio State as number one. WTF, people? Anyway, Georgia will likely move up as their "real" schedule picks up and they play more quality opponents (including a 4-week run of Spurrier's Gamecocks followed by 3 ranked teams starting on 9/13). Their slate is as tough as anybody's, given that they have to play in the SEC.

In other news, Alabama jumps mightily on the strength of the Clemson win: USAToday has them at 17 and the AP at 13. Clemson drops off the AP, and clings to 22 on the USAT. (Clemson and Illinois are the only 0-1 squads on the rankings.)

Look for NickyLou to bag the next two easily, hopefully: he meets Tulane and Western Kentucky in the next two weeks before opening the conference schedule against Arkansas a week after that. With a little look and more SabanSauce, the Tide could be 4-0 going into the Georgia game on the 27th. Kentucky and Mississippi follow with what ought to be gimmes before Tennessee (usually anybody's game, but the Tide is waxing while Fulmer's Vols wane), another should-be-easy with Arkansas State, and then the big LSU game on 11/8, more than 2 months away.

The Tide put a full-sized SEC hurtin' on #9 Clemson tonight, to the tune of 34 to 10, and it wasn't even that close; the Tide held the ball for over 41 minutes, and outproduced the Tigers 419 to 188 yards (all in the air; Clemson had 1 rushing yard). The Tide blew two early scoring opps, settling for field goals when John Parker Wilson couldn't connect even without meaningful Clemson resistance in his first two possessions. Quoth Bowden the Younger, "they outplayed us on both sides of the ball." Clemson was completely unprepared for SEC speed and toughness.

To be fair, though, Clemson is just Clemson. They lost to Maryland and BC last year, for crying out loud. This #9-ranking is preseason bullshit, even if knocking them off it does fuel Tide passions. The Alabama faithful should remember that Clemson hasn't beaten UA in 12 straight meetings, even if the last one was a 56-0 shellacking back when Bear ran the show (1975). Alabama gets a couple easy weeks before the next "real" game -- next are unranked Tulane and Western Kentucky, followed by freshly Nuttless Arkansas on 9/20 before a big show in Athens against currently #1 Georgia. Let's hope Nicky Lou can keep it together, and keep this win from going to his young team's head.

More to come. Inshallah.

Need to pee during "God Bless America?" Tough. The Yank's rent-a-cops will throw you out.

Remember what we said yesterday about Johnson's 200m record?

Nevermind. Usain Bolt took gold with 19.30. Bolt and Johnson are now the only runners to ever run the 200 faster than 19.62.

We had big fun with the PointsPerMillion jabs last year, but we're putting it aside this time around in favor of sheer unadulterated partisanship; after all, they're not spending any of OUR money -- Chief Heathen attended UA on a scholarship surplus, and we've never bothered to give them one thin dime in the interim. We'd just like to see 'em win, given that they're paving NickyLou's driveway with gold anyway.

The Tide are ranked low (#24 AP, unranked USA) in the preseason, which isn't at all unfair given the 2007 record (7-6, 4-4 conf). So here it is:

• 8/30 Clemson (#9) in Atlanta (ABC)
• 9/6 Tulane
• 9/13 Western Kentucky
• 9/20 @ Arkansas
• 9/27 @ Georgia (#1)
• 10/4 Kentucky
• 10/18 Ole MIss
• 10/25 Tennessee (#18)
• 11/01 Arkansas State
• 11/8 @ LSU (#6 USA, #7 AP)
• 11/15 Mississippi State
• 11/29 Auburn (#11 USA, #10 AP)

We can't help but notice that Saban's boys must play three traditionally tough -- and ranked -- rivals on the road. We hear good things about the recruiting class; here's hoping they come through. We find out with what might be a real game, even, against a top-ten squad. Roll Tide anyway; we'll check back in on Sunday as per usual; until then, we're not going to try to handicap the schedule.

Swimmers are getting all the love right now, but as this post points out, they're not as far along in the "what's the human limit?" game as sprinters -- in part because of the Speedo suits' "unlocking" of an additional tier of speed.

Twelve years ago, Michael Johnson doubled in track (200m and 400m), and the record he set in the 200m -- 19.32s -- remains absurdly out of reach. In a sport where hundredths of seconds are desperately hard to come by, Johnson's 200m record is a full 0.30 seconds faster than his nearest competitor (Tyson Gay, last year). By comparison, Usain Bolt's best 200m time (set in Athens this July) is 19.67.

(Via Kottke.)

See if you can find the oddball name collision in the following Olympics story:

BEIJING – Cat Osterman is accustomed to delivering for the U.S. women’s softball team.

On Wednesday, the 25-year-old Houston express-mailed a no-hitter for the Americans in a 3-0 win over Australia.

Osterman struck out 12 batters and walked only three in pitching only the second complete game no-hitter in Olympic history.

The U.S. improved its record in the opening round to 2-0 and continued its dominance of the Olympics. Between them, Jennie Finch (four innings), Monica Abbott (one inning) and Osterman (seven innings) have not surrendered a hit.

Osterman outdueled Australia's Tanya Harding, who has handed the U.S. program two of its four losses in the games since 1996.

Football offense is an evolving beast, but perhaps the last major evolutionary step came with Walsh's "West Coast" quick-short-pass plan, which has since become the de facto standard for the NFL and college and even some high schools. But apparently not at Piedmont High in California, where a combination of factors led two coaches to create something entirely new that involves two quarterbacks and all 11 men carrying the ball.

No, really. They've had it reviewed by rules committees, too, and it's apparently been determined to be legal. And the college coaches are already interested.

There's a story here, and a whole site about it at A11offense.com.

(Via Kottke.)